What Is Bullying?
Bullying is Any form of disrespect - from non-verbal "eye-rolling" and "shunning" to the more aggressive physical "pushing and fighting." Somewhere in the middle of that continuum is "teasing and taunting," and "harassing" kinds of disrespect. Tasteless examples of bullying are listed below:
• Name calling
• Teasing
• Hurting feelings
• Eye rolling
• Laughing at another
• [Disrespectful] anger
• Saying bad words
• Excluding others, shunning
• Telling lies
• Gossiping, spreading false rumors
• Stealing
• Being mean
• Hitting/fighting/punching/pushing
• Saying, "You are not my friend."
What Can I Do? What Can I Say?
The lowest line is that there needs to be a zero tolerance in every classroom for any show or form of disrespect. Once students become aware of "what disrespect looks like" - students also need to know it is unacceptable. Hopefully each classroom's rules cover not hurting anyone's body, asset or feelings! But, sadly, the rules don't automatically keep children from development good choices each time. The rules do account for that it is not Ok to disrespect others!
Beaconhill
When bullied - a child can choose to just ignore or "stuff" his/her rage, but "stuffing" can cause some very destructive consequences. To choose to ignore one's bully or not know how to confront or face one's bully can cause many other problems. Moreover, it is very Tasteless for a victim of bullying to someday repeat the pattern and become a bully themselves because of their focus. If your child is the bully - this tells me that at one time your child was bullied, he/she stuffed the rage, focused on his/her bully, and became "like" his/her bully. Patterning is extremely Tasteless but serious. If you study the stories of school shooters over the last few decades - these perpetrators were at one time bullied, stuffed their rage [not knowing what to say or do], focused on their bullies, and then became "like" them. So, where there is bullying and kids don't know what to say or do - they become bullies. Every child needs to learn how to respectfully confront their bully and learn how to rule conflicts as best they can. It is a considerable life skill.
Here's what you can say to your child.
You can say, "May I teach you some special words to say to your bully? Ask your bully what he/she thinks you both need to do to make things better."
Even if your child is the bully, he/she can still inaugurate problem-solving with the child he/she is bullying with these words. Role-play this with them! It is wonderful how fast children rule their conflicts when the goal of "making things better" is the focus of the conversation. There are no threats, no blaming, and no arguing about whose fault it is. A "high five" or handshake seals the business agreement in celebration! Students of all ages appreciate the sense of empowerment when they learn the formula to make things best - without peer mediators or even a educator settling their disputes every time. That's the true skill of a life time.
Disclaimer: These comments are not a substitute for pro counseling and are not meant to be all that you might need. The comments are ideas meant to encourage you and stimulate even other ideas that might be helpful in a general sense for your situation.
My Child Is Being Bullied! My Child Is The Bully! What Do I Say And What Do I Do?
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